Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Would You Read On? hosted by Diana Flegal

Good Wednesday to you all. I hope you have recovered from your Thanksgiving festivities and are back to your writing.

Today we are featuring a inspirational nonfiction page for your critique. Let us know if you would read on.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
            When I began my journey out of the ashes of pity into the beauty of purpose I had no formal direction. At the age of sixteen I had an unplanned abortion that left me unable to cope with realities of  life. I quickly found myself drowning in a quagmire of drugs and unprotected sex. I no longer cared about myself, those close to me, or even God. I shut down and turned off.
            I was lost on a path to nowhere headed toward the road of destruction. After my abortion I hid deep within my soul. I became a dead soul. Love was no longer part of me. It was dead as well.
            For several years I hungered for affection. I was starved for something I felt I didn't deserve. I left God on the side of the road, but He never left me. God took me on many journey's before I found my way back.
            Throughout those journey's, He never left. He guided me into the woman I am now. I traveled down many roads to discover what God wanted and what I needed. I climbed out of the ashes of pity and into the beauty of purpose.
             I faltered and failed, but God picked me up and showed me where I needed to be. He showed me I could turn my ashes into beauty, I had purpose, and I COULD learn to live again.
            This book is not about me or my abortion. It is about YOU! Every woman at some point in her life has suffered, hurt, and lost their way. This book was born out of my suffering to help you realize there is hope. God loves you. You can get through the journey, you can climb out of the ashes, you can find your purpose. You can learn to live again, and you can create a new you.

Would you read on? Kindly let us know by leaving a comment below.
We appreciate your stopping by.
Write on!


Davalyn Spencer said...

If this first page is an introduction, then I would move the last graph to the top. After reading everything else, I thought the book was about the author. However, the last graph contradicted that. Obviously, we learn through others' experiences as well as our own, and the author is using her experiences as the vehicle. But it might help to encourage the reader at first, and then go into author background.

Linda Glaz said...

I agree with Davalynn. I would have liked to see the last paragraph first. But then, I don't do well with NF, so I could be very wrong. This sounds like quite a journey, one I'm sure the author sweat blood to write about.

Ava Pennington said...

Eleven first-person pronouns in the first five sentences.
First five paragraphs provide lots of telling and backstory - not a good thing, even in non-fiction. :-(

Julie Coleman said...

I don't think I would. It feels flat to me, a little "pat answer"-ish. She might start by jumping into her story-- to pull the reader in. Show, don't tell. Maybe the day after the abortion, or maybe sitting in the waiting room. Something that begins with action, rather than reflection. Show the struggle rather than tell about it.

Then maybe ask questions, to get the reader to personally relate to what she is planning to write about. Have you ever felt abandoned by God? Hopeless with nowhere to turn? Then this is your story as well...

My humble opinion.

Anonymous said...

I agree that it would be stronger with the last par. moved up. Also,
I was stopped by the misplaced ' in journeys - 3rd par. It's plural, not possessive. But there is promise here. With work, it would reach hungry hearts.

Cindy Sproles said...

It has good potential. But the first couple of paragraphs kinda just lay out facts. This happened, that happened, this happened. I say intermingle those incidents with the story. The writer is right. We all have problems, so tell me what makes the writer's issues worth reading? Fill me in. You have my attention. There's great info here...I just need story to go along with the outline.

Great potential.

Laura J. Marshall said...

I agree with Cindy. I'd like a little story in there to get me to care about the author. We've all had experiences of loss, depression, failure; what makes her experience unique that I would want to read a whole book on the subject versus a 5 paragraph blog post?