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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Would You Read On? hosted by Diana Flegal

Welcome to Would You Read On? We are happy you stopped by.

The following submission is a Christian Worldview Steampunk title. Let us know what you think.



Chapter 1
Human life has value.
The poor living in the gutter is as valuable as the rich living in a manor.
The scoundrel is no less valuable than the saint.
Because of this, every life a Reaper takes must be redeemed.

Raven Grace counted every step she took through New Haven. Each step she made could be her last. If she’d brought her traveling dress, she’d have had something to cover up with, and decrease her probability of being caught. She quickened her pace. The gamble wouldn’t last long, only through two miles of crowded brownstone street.
She peered over the heads of the throng. People. Men. Women and children. It had become too easy to think of them as cattle. But they were human. She wanted to think of herself as human, too, and live a normal human life. It was the reason she needed to retire early from her life as a reaper. Greg would make her feel human; he always did. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him, and her tread became lighter.
Used to the whispers and stares, Raven winked at a fat cheeked baby held by a pinch-faced woman with silver hair pulled into a severe bun. The woman looked Raven up and down, tching her tongue and shaking her head. Even in the city, a woman in breeches instead of a skirt was unacceptable. Or maybe the crossbow snapped to the magnets on the back of her corset made the difference.
Raven wondered if the woman knew her secret. She swallowed hard, and took comfort in the ignorance of the populace. Few knew what a reaper was, much less their prohibition from the city.
She rounded the corner of a three-story building stacked against another like books on a shelf.  An automated horse bore down on her, and she flattened herself against the cool brick. The coachmen yelled at the crowd, “Get out of the way! Clear the road. Coaches before walkers!”
The scraping metal and shouting continued along the street, scattering merchants who gave the coach malicious looks and checked their wares for damage. Beside her a clockwork robot pushed a merchant's cart, its jerky movements unsuitable for zeppelin-living high society. 

Would you read on? 

We want to thank Eddie Jones for posting his first page last week. Eddie Jones is passionate about getting kids to read. Especially boys. He is the real time editor of an online paper, Cool Ghoul Gazette where young hopeful writers can apply to be an editor. Stop by and check out the page and refer it to any fledgling writers you might know. And you can also find Eddie at Eddie Jones.org. Last weeks first page is the beginning of the 2nd book in The Caden Chronicles  series, coming to middle readers from Zonderkidz. Book one, Dead Man's Hand was released Oct of this year. Just in time for Christmas giving.  




8 comments:

Debra Ann Elliott said...

This is something I would want to read more of. This is a great story!

Joyce Magnin said...

Okay, here's the thing. This writer has really terrific instincts. She can definitely string words together and has the potential for a great story here. But, in any kind of fantasy,even steampunk world-building is essential. When she uses words like automated horse and clockwork robot it pulls me out of the story because I'm not certain what I am seeing. She needs to spend a little more time with description and really bring the, reader into this world .She needs to be wary of using these vanilla words over and over again. It needs more punch in the description. Dig deeper. But yeah, this has chops.

Sheila Hollinghead said...

Yes! Love this. Perhaps introduce the steampunk elements a little slower. But overall, great job!

Lynn Donovan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynn Donovan said...

I would definately read on. The story is well written and pulls me right in. I'm facinated with this world and what this reaper is about to encounter. Sounds like an amazingly interesting story, and I hope I get to read more someday!

Becky Doughty said...

Sure - I'd read on. I'm curious about the reaper, and the fact that a reaper can choose to no longer reap. I'm curious about the traveling dress. I'm wondering why she feels threatened... but I agree with the comments above. Introduce the steampunk elements more fluidly.

Nice first chapter.

Davalyn Spencer said...

Love the name - Raven Grace. Yes, I'd read on.

Jennette said...

Yes I would read on. I'm curious as others have mentioned, like what's a reaper exactly, she isn't human, who is this guy she likes, a girl in breeches and a crossbow, yes please! I've not read steampunk, so I am unsure of its elements, especially an automated horse and clockwork robot, it would be cool to see more description of what they looked like. Are they dirty with grime and oil or shiny, colorful, plain metal, etc... oh and I do love the name too!