Today we are featuring a inspirational nonfiction page for your critique. Let us know if you would read on.
For
I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah
29:11 NIV
When
I began my journey out of the ashes of pity into the beauty of purpose I had no
formal direction. At the age of sixteen I had an unplanned abortion that left
me unable to cope with realities of
life. I quickly found myself drowning in a quagmire of drugs and
unprotected sex. I no longer cared about myself, those close to me, or even
God. I shut down and turned off.
I
was lost on a path to nowhere headed toward the road of destruction. After my
abortion I hid deep within my soul. I became a dead soul. Love was no longer
part of me. It was dead as well.
For
several years I hungered for affection. I was starved for something I felt I
didn't deserve. I left God on the side of the road, but He never left me. God
took me on many journey's before I found my way back.
Throughout
those journey's, He never left. He guided me into the woman I am now. I
traveled down many roads to discover what God wanted and what I needed. I
climbed out of the ashes of pity and into the beauty of purpose.
I faltered and failed, but God picked me up
and showed me where I needed to be. He showed me I could turn my ashes into
beauty, I had purpose, and I COULD learn to live again.
This
book is not about me or my abortion. It is about YOU! Every woman at some point
in her life has suffered, hurt, and lost their way. This book was born out of
my suffering to help you realize there is hope. God loves you. You can get
through the journey, you can climb out of the ashes, you can find your purpose. You can learn to live again, and you can create a new you.
Would you read on? Kindly let us know by leaving a comment below.
We appreciate your stopping by.
Write on!
7 comments:
If this first page is an introduction, then I would move the last graph to the top. After reading everything else, I thought the book was about the author. However, the last graph contradicted that. Obviously, we learn through others' experiences as well as our own, and the author is using her experiences as the vehicle. But it might help to encourage the reader at first, and then go into author background.
I agree with Davalynn. I would have liked to see the last paragraph first. But then, I don't do well with NF, so I could be very wrong. This sounds like quite a journey, one I'm sure the author sweat blood to write about.
Eleven first-person pronouns in the first five sentences.
First five paragraphs provide lots of telling and backstory - not a good thing, even in non-fiction. :-(
I don't think I would. It feels flat to me, a little "pat answer"-ish. She might start by jumping into her story-- to pull the reader in. Show, don't tell. Maybe the day after the abortion, or maybe sitting in the waiting room. Something that begins with action, rather than reflection. Show the struggle rather than tell about it.
Then maybe ask questions, to get the reader to personally relate to what she is planning to write about. Have you ever felt abandoned by God? Hopeless with nowhere to turn? Then this is your story as well...
My humble opinion.
I agree that it would be stronger with the last par. moved up. Also,
I was stopped by the misplaced ' in journeys - 3rd par. It's plural, not possessive. But there is promise here. With work, it would reach hungry hearts.
It has good potential. But the first couple of paragraphs kinda just lay out facts. This happened, that happened, this happened. I say intermingle those incidents with the story. The writer is right. We all have problems, so tell me what makes the writer's issues worth reading? Fill me in. You have my attention. There's great info here...I just need story to go along with the outline.
Great potential.
I agree with Cindy. I'd like a little story in there to get me to care about the author. We've all had experiences of loss, depression, failure; what makes her experience unique that I would want to read a whole book on the subject versus a 5 paragraph blog post?
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