Welcome to our Wednesday edition of Would You Read On?.
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Chapter
1:
Amazonian
Rainforest, Venezuela
Tap-tap.
Will Oakley squirmed
in his slumber.
Tap-tap.
Tap-tap.
Shut
up! Can’t a guy get a little sleep?
Tap-tap.
Tap-tap.
His eyes flew open to
velvet darkness. I can’t…I can’t move!
Disconnected thoughts
whirled in his mind as he writhed, squirmed, and jerked--all useless. He stopped
and forced a long, slow breath.
Get
a grip. Pull yourself together. But
it was hard. Thinking was hard, like
stumbling through a fog.
As he glanced about,
vague shapes emerged from the inky void: his hands; his feet…tied to stakes? Beyond
lay an empty syringe. What the?
His senses returned;
a rumble of thunder, the hiss of rain on the roof. Above, a lattice of
palm-thatching faded into view.
A
native hut. But the Boras wouldn’t…
Tap-tap.
Tap-tap.
Gunfire.
That’s gunfire! And
screaming? He shuddered at the heart-bending cries.
Will shook his head,
everything was hazy, then suddenly it came to him: terroristas. It’s the Voc del Pueblo, killing resistant villagers execution-style.
He struggled frantically
against his bonds. No, go…. Stop. Think Will! The rain...
Yes, the earth was
rock-hard, since it was the tag end the dry season. But evidently the VPs
hadn’t expected this little downpour. Rivulets of water wove their way through
cracks in the roof above, making little puddles, softening the ground.
You
can do this. The storm’s on your side. Take your time. Make a focused effort.
He took another
breath and gave it a long, slow, controlled heave. Was that a little movement?
Yeah.
C’mon baby…
Would you read on?
Last weeks contributor was Lynn Donovan. Thank you Lynn for being courageous. We hope the comments from our readers was a help to you. If you want to learn a little more about Lynn, her Twitter account is @MLynnDonovan and her LinkedIn account is M Lynn Donovan.
12 comments:
I like the writing--it's compelling--but the subject matter is so unpleasant, I would not read further. My husband would probably get into it, though.
And you do build curiosity to find out how your mc escapes. Good job!
Would keep reading. I love suspense or mystery of almost any kind. Love to be scared!!!!!!!!
If this were a genre I enjoy - absolutely! Very concise, and draws the reader right in. But I'm a big chicken, so I would pass on the fear factor. :-)
I would read on. I want to see if he gets away. However, I was caught short by the "hiss of rain on the roof. Above, a lattice of palm-thatching faded into view." The words "roof" and "rain" created a different sound in my head that didn't fit with the "lattice of palm-thatching." Also, "faded into view" felt like a contradiction in terms.
Definitely. Love the immediate suspense, and the going back and forth between questions and answers that lead to more questions.
I'd keep reading!
I would read on because the writing is strong and the main character and his situation are interesting.
That said, I probably wouldn't read too much longer if the first-person thinking kept up at the present pace.
Part of my discomfort with it is that it sometimes feels redundant:
We see him force a long, slow breath then we hear him tell himself to get a grip. We see the palm thatching, and then we hear the character think he's in a native hut. We hear the character recognize screaming then we see him shudder in reaction to the heart-bending cries.
The writer is very good so we don't need so much internal monologue to understand things.
I would because of the sense of urgency created by the writer and the need to see if he escapes.
The one thing I felt was out of place was "velvet darkness." Since it's the end of the dry season, I would imagine it being hot and sticky; moist, but not cool as velvet implies.
No. I found it a bit muddled. How is the earth rock hard and a few rivulets of water soften it in a few seconds? The "hiss" of rain on a thatched roof? "Velvet" darkness from drugs? How did he see a syringe if tied up? The details did not add up to a realistic picture.
I would read on, though not through to the end. I'm caught up waiting to see how his situation resolves, but violence and fear are out of my reading interests. I very much like the term "velvet darkness." And the suspense factor is very well played.
I would read on to find out if he escaped and as long as the plot moved away from the violence of the terroristas. "faded into view" confused me, seems opposite momentum, backward reference. If the story stayed with the violence of the terroristas, I wouldn't read much longer. I don't like stories about stuff like that. But that's just me.
In a suspense, if it is one, danger & terrorists could be a part. I'd read on to see if it continued to capture my interest, even if I didn't agree w/everything written.
The story is compelling enough that I would at least read on to see what happens in the scene but I also agree that the writing needs polishing.
Whether or not I'd read the whole book depends on several other factors, like genre and how I feel about the MC by the end of the chapter/scene.
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