This weeks contribution is a fiction title:
Prologue
There
was a day when all the host of heaven appeared before the Lord, on his
right hand and on his left, and Satan stood among them. “Where have you
come from, Satan?” the Lord asked. “Which of my servants will you accuse
today?”
Satan
stood before the Lord and said, “I have been going from place to place
throughout the whole earth. I have seen many who do not fear you, who
will not call upon the name of the Lord.”
“Yes,
this has long been true, but there are also many who fear me, who
worship me and pass on their faith from one generation to the next.”
“In
my journey,” Satan said, “I came upon a small town in the United
States, in the State of Texas, in the very heart of those who call
themselves Christians. They call the place Burning Cedar, as they
should, because they have done evil before you and you have given them
over to those who would destroy them.”
“For
a time, but even now, I hear their cries for deliverance. But that is
not why you have come. You have often seen people turn to me when they
face hardships.”
“In
the town of Burning Cedar, there is a family that has served you for
many generations and even the man Stephen Barak is numbered with your
saints and written in your book. His father is a deacon in Burning Cedar
Baptist Church. His grandfather persuaded many to follow you. His
great-grandfather obeyed you and started three churches. But I have
watched Stephen and he does not obey you. He hears your voice, but he
does not obey.
Would you read on?
We also welcome other courageous authors to share their fiction and nonfiction first pages for critique. Email: diana@hartlineliterary.com with your submissions.
Would you read on?
We also welcome other courageous authors to share their fiction and nonfiction first pages for critique. Email: diana@hartlineliterary.com with your submissions.
9 comments:
Yes. The Stephen Barak character humanizes the story for me and sucks me in. I already feel for him, knowing that there's going to be a lot of drama in this Job-like character's life.
Yes, I like the prologue so far. Always intrigued me--that confrontation between Satan & God. Wonder what all poor Stephen will go thru! I'd read on. Good start, writer.
I look forward to this post every week!!!
Yes. Absolutely. Wow!
Satan is the accuser of the brethren. And this is a good plot.
No, I wouldn't read on. This comes across to me as a little stiff, almost makes me fear something preachy is ahead...just my thought.
I would read on, to find out what happens, but only if you change his last name. Please.
Yes, I would read on. But I might stop later, depending on Stephen Barak's dilemma. I also anticipate the stilted dialogue to change once the reader is in the story with Stephen. If it didn't, that would also make me stop reading.
I agree with Jeanette that Stephen's last name has got to go. Otherwise I am intrigued and would read on.
Maybe it's my age and how many decades I've listened to sermons on Job. No, I'm not gripped by this, only anticipating another overly familiar story.
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