TEN WAYS TO WRITE LIKE A BEGINNER
Let’s see, you’ve had this great idea for umpteen years, and now you’re going to start writing! Or maybe you’ve been writing for a while and you’d like to get your story or book published. Will you be labeled a beginner or an old pro when the agent or publisher looks at your work?
If you can say “yep” to any of the points below, all I can say is “uh oh.”
Go ahead; let’s see how you do:
1. Never read any books in the genre in which you write. You don’t want to steal another author’s ideas.
2. Write when you feel like it, even if the radio or TV is blasting.
3. For your first project, write the next 'Great American Novel' with plots, subplots, foreshadowing, & complicated characters.
4. Start your fiction manuscript with 5 pages of narration and description from 5 points of view. Have 600 pages in your book.
5. Develop a boring plot with no climax, characters with no depth, & dialogue that is flat & the same for all your characters.
6. Don’t get help from a critique group, “how-to-write” books, or writers’ conferences because God told you what to write & how to write it.
7. Send your manuscript everywhere without querying first. Buy the Writers’
Market Guide, start on page 1, and don’t stop until you get a sale!
8. Write query letters that are “you.” Smother them in chocolate or perfume smells and write: “Dear Editor, this is your lucky day. My family has read this, and they absolutely love it.”
9. Send your first draft to a different editor once every six months; then go into deep depression when it’s rejected.
10. Ignore all suggestions any editors or agents make. The manuscript just wouldn’t be “your” work anymore.
If a lot of these pertained to your writing style, perhaps you should take up basket weaving or bowling instead!
Thank you Marsha for this humorous look at the writing life. Please stop by and visit Marsha at the following links.