Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Would You Read On? hosted by Diana Flegal

Thank you for stopping by. Today's first page submission is a upper middle grade fantasy adventure. :-)

Please let us know if you would read on by leaving a critique in the comments below.
And check out the reveal of last weeks author at the bottom of the page :-)

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Trumpet blasts resounded across the bustling city square.  A huge knight, donned in full armour, stood on the wooden stage that had been erected especially for this momentous occasion. Thousands still flocked slowly into the ancient, crumbling walls of the historic city of Erundel, as they awaited the arrival of Treanthor, their admired emperor. His yearly visit had been long anticipated.
As crowds pressed forward to catch a better view of the knight, the warm air became rich with the smell of bodies clothed in thick woven cotton and leather, mingled with the scent of ale, horses and various potions, which were being hawked by traders at the entrance to the gates. Wafts of smoke from stallholders cooking chickens on spits blended in to create a unique aroma that was unusual to newcomers to the city.
Young children waved flags enthusiastically and joined as everyone began to chant Tre-an-thor! Tre-an-thor! Tre-an-thor! Several boys climbed the willow trees that lined the furthest side of the quad, waving to those below, while some older ones pointed their prized ska-swords into the air, showing off the gleaming light and sound feature on their xanth-powered gadgets.
 Rumours had circulated that one day, xanth would be able to power electricity once again in people’s homes – perhaps a return to the way of life before the Great Catastrophe of 2025. Treanthor always declared that he was working towards it – but insisted that it would take time and, for now, the people should be content with all that he had already achieved for them. 
 Today would mark the beginning of a new era. That was the message that had been sent out into all the towns and villages. Those who came to Erundel would be the first to witness his latest, marvelous invention; something far greater than ska swords or glow toys or magic tricks.
  Ree-Mya, a young mother with long, dark hair, stood among the throngs of people, one of the last few to be let into the square before the mammoth gates were locked shut by guards. 

Would you read on? 
        

Last weeks contributing author was Eddie Jones.

Eddie is a North Carolina-based writer and Acquisition Editor for Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. He is a three-time winner of the Delaware Writers Conference and his young adult novel, The Curse of Captain LaFoote, won the 2012 Moonbeam Award and 2011 Selah Award. He co-writes the He Said, She Said devotions, available at ChristianDevotions.us.

Dead Man’s Hand, the first book in the Caden Chronicles mystery series, released from Zonderkidz in November, 2012.

Eddie’s new devotional book, My Father’s Business, features Biblical insights and practical applications for those seeking God's "yearning" (will) for their life. A great book for anyone who longs for more than mere "work."


You can visit with Eddie at  http://www.eddiejones.org/ .

6 comments:

Jennifer said...

The writing is good, but I feel too sorry for the elderly woman to read on...

writelightuk said...

Very well written, though I wouldn't read on, simply because the topic at hand (Kennedy assassination)doesn't particularly interest me. (I'm British, but have lived in the US.)

How can I subject my first page to scrutiny on your site? (Children's fantasy adventure)

Diana said...

Dear writelightuk,
Send your first page to me at Diana@hartlineliterary.com. Please place in the subject line: First Page Submission.
We will be glad to consider your first page for this column.
And thanks for asking :-)

Linda Glaz said...

I think so. What an intro! For anyone from the sixties, this is definitely intriguing!

~sharyn said...

I found it confusing at first, unable to understand why they're interrogating an old woman in a storage shed during a flood, but the last paragraph did intrigue me enough to read a little more. Or, knowing me, to glance through it & see if it would be a story I'd find interesting. A new take on the JFK assassination holds some appeal to me.

Jennifer Lundberg said...

I wouldn't have read on but then I got to the part where we find out she might have something to do with the JFK assassination and I was intrigued.