Please let us know if you would read on by leaving a critique in the comments below.
And check out the reveal of last weeks author at the bottom of the page :-)
*****
Trumpet blasts resounded across the bustling city
square. A huge knight, donned in full armour, stood on the wooden stage
that had been erected especially for this momentous occasion. Thousands still
flocked slowly into the ancient, crumbling walls of the historic city of
Erundel, as they awaited the arrival of Treanthor, their admired emperor. His
yearly visit had been long anticipated.
As crowds pressed forward to catch a better view of
the knight, the warm air became rich with the smell of bodies clothed in thick
woven cotton and leather, mingled with the scent of ale, horses and various
potions, which were being hawked by traders at the entrance to the gates. Wafts
of smoke from stallholders cooking chickens on spits blended in to create a unique
aroma that was unusual to newcomers to the city.
Young children waved flags enthusiastically and
joined as everyone began to chant Tre-an-thor! Tre-an-thor! Tre-an-thor!
Several boys climbed the willow trees that lined the furthest side of the quad,
waving to those below, while some older ones pointed their prized ska-swords
into the air, showing off the gleaming light and sound feature on their
xanth-powered gadgets.
Rumours had circulated that one day, xanth
would be able to power electricity once again in people’s homes – perhaps a
return to the way of life before the Great Catastrophe of 2025. Treanthor
always declared that he was working towards it – but insisted that it would
take time and, for now, the people should be content with all that he had
already achieved for them.
Today would mark the beginning of a new era.
That was the message that had been sent out into all the towns and villages.
Those who came to Erundel would be the first to witness his latest,
marvelous invention; something far greater than ska swords or glow toys or
magic tricks.
Ree-Mya, a young mother
with long, dark hair, stood among the throngs of people, one of the last
few to be let into the square before the mammoth gates were locked shut by
guards.
Last weeks contributing author was Eddie Jones.
6 comments:
The writing is good, but I feel too sorry for the elderly woman to read on...
Very well written, though I wouldn't read on, simply because the topic at hand (Kennedy assassination)doesn't particularly interest me. (I'm British, but have lived in the US.)
How can I subject my first page to scrutiny on your site? (Children's fantasy adventure)
Dear writelightuk,
Send your first page to me at Diana@hartlineliterary.com. Please place in the subject line: First Page Submission.
We will be glad to consider your first page for this column.
And thanks for asking :-)
I think so. What an intro! For anyone from the sixties, this is definitely intriguing!
I found it confusing at first, unable to understand why they're interrogating an old woman in a storage shed during a flood, but the last paragraph did intrigue me enough to read a little more. Or, knowing me, to glance through it & see if it would be a story I'd find interesting. A new take on the JFK assassination holds some appeal to me.
I wouldn't have read on but then I got to the part where we find out she might have something to do with the JFK assassination and I was intrigued.
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