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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Would You Read On? hosted by Diana Flegal

It is Would You Read On? day here on our blog and today we have a courageous YA author's offering. Please comment below and let us know if you would read on.

Genre: Contemporary Young Adult that eventually morphs into Historical YA

My dad slipped a brittle manila envelope into my hands as he turned to smile at a slim woman with close-cropped gray hair, impeccable posture, and a uniform from airport security. At that moment, Grandma Orshina’s demand to see the oh-so-mysterious family relic seemed like sound evidence of debilitating dementia. Of course Dad was oblivious to the obvious. His mother’s insistence on stepping straight off the plane from Iraq and immediately snatching up the envelope was a surefire passport to a pair of cold handcuffs and a humiliating search if anyone saw our questionable package.

I stood in the company of a tall dark Assyrian man (my father) whose not-even-mildly-American name (Abrohom Yaqub Dayan) was sure to draw unnecessary attention. And although LinkEmma sounds like an innocent enough moniker, Emma Nirari Dayan most certainly does not. Add to that the most annoying infant in the history of all Chicago, cooing with deceptive good humor from his stroller, and an enormous basket of walnut kifile, and we were not the most inconspicuous family picking up relatives at O’Hare that day.

Last weeks author was Eddie Jones. You can learn more about Eddies writing and his published titles, Bahama Breeze and The Curse of Captain LaFoote at his website.


9 comments:

Davalyn Spencer said...

Yes, I would read on. The writer snagged me with "brittle manila envelope" and slowed me with description of the uniformed security guard. I don't care what the guard looks like. Uniform is enough. I'm more interested in Grandma, Dad, and Emma.

A couple of other minor issues made my fingers itch to recast a sentence or two, but when has that ever stopped me from reading on to satisfy my curiosity?

Sharon A. Lavy said...

Absolutely. I feel I am in for a good ride.

Sarah Thomas said...

I'm definitely intrigued, but I wonder if the language is a bit advanced for the average YA reader.

kay Moser said...

I would read on, but I think it's crucial for Grandma to speak and demand the package. Much more dramatic and more worrisome concerning airport security noticing. Also, I'm unclear whether Grandma brought the package or is simply eager to finally see it.

I also wonder if the language is too advanced, but I'm not a YA reader or editor.

Definitely, this is a "keeper." Please keep telling this story. I'm intrigued.

Cheryl said...

I agree with Kay that Grandma should speak for herself. Give as a glimpse into who she is that is outside of the MC's opinions of her.

I have to admit, however, that this didn't do too much for me. I might continue a bit to see what develops.

Jeanette Levellie said...

Sorry. I found it too wordy, filled with too many adjectives and long descriptions. It bogged down the reading for me.

Jennifer said...

Yes, I find this story interesting already...

Heather Day Gilbert said...

I'd just suggest that the writer lock in the genre as either historical YA or contemp. YA. From what I've seen and read, it's good to be as specific as possible for publishers to fit you in a niche!

Katherine Hyde said...

The situation is intriguing and the writing is not bad, but I was confused about who was who. At first it sounded like the security woman and Grandma were the same person. I had to go back and reread the first paragraph. The later descriptions of the family are a bit awkward too.

With some reworking and attention to clarity, this could be a solid beginning.