tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post8441096553669189172..comments2023-11-02T05:29:57.954-04:00Comments on From the Heart: Would You Read On? hosted by Diana FlegalAndy Scheer, Hartline Literaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09010440105558099014noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-30747701053034517402012-04-10T18:44:37.737-04:002012-04-10T18:44:37.737-04:00The last line makes me want to turn the page. If t...The last line makes me want to turn the page. If the cover and the back cover blurb had caused me to pick up the book in the first place, I would read on.Story and Logic Media Grouphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13317731231950753140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-21846068565765102422012-04-07T12:22:45.483-04:002012-04-07T12:22:45.483-04:00I like the situation, the last line is very intere...I like the situation, the last line is very interesting. It needs to be cleaned up though for me to want to continue. Some awkward description and wordiness. Pick the best stuff that sets the scene without losing me, then I would be able to read on without worrying that the rest of the book would be just as choppy.Kristen Joy Wilkshttp://www.kristenjoywilks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-2035710560207931422012-04-05T10:12:28.257-04:002012-04-05T10:12:28.257-04:00I would read on, and I hope this author continues ...I would read on, and I hope this author continues this storyl (Definitely change the word "portal.) If I may make one suggestion--I was confused about where the arrow landed and how the man missed it when he first walked out.kay Moserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08810552326817834539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-89123177532142634072012-04-04T15:58:50.156-04:002012-04-04T15:58:50.156-04:00In my Bucks County rural neighborhood we never cal...In my Bucks County rural neighborhood we never called our farmhouse doors portals. And that was the visual I had in my head, a farmhouse in Bucks County,PA. But when he said a fog horn I knew it was not a PA Dutch farmhouse setting. I am sure as the story goes on we will learn where this farmhouse is located, in Maine, Nova Scotia or other seaport location. Based on the closing line, I would definitely read on.Codependency Caring or Controllinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14335694583099675558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-28299760360649115282012-04-04T14:25:04.071-04:002012-04-04T14:25:04.071-04:00I would not read on. It's overwritten, leading...I would not read on. It's overwritten, leading to jarring juxtapositions like "the farmhouse portal." I never saw a farmhouse with a portal. Farmhouses have plain old doors. And they do not have fog horns.<br /><br />The tone makes me think the main character is a professional spy or something, so when the message begins, "Hey, home wrecker," I'm jolted into wondering what kind of story this actually is.Katherine Hydehttp://kbhyde.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-90105980470420525872012-04-04T13:58:33.721-04:002012-04-04T13:58:33.721-04:00You know what I think might help each week? To put...You know what I think might help each week? To put what genre we're reading. That would take away a lot of the comments about it would work for this one not for that one. Make sense? I just think it would make for better clarity on whether or not we would continue reading.Linda Glazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04374683352435771715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-64504214591054751302012-04-04T13:54:16.233-04:002012-04-04T13:54:16.233-04:00"Portal" threw me. Does the writer mean ..."Portal" threw me. Does the writer mean "window"? I thought it was a historic setting until I read the word "fiberglass."<br /><br />I would read on to answer a few questions, but if the story didn't promise more I would stop.Davalyn Spencerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07790903623368896086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-72560133821511328402012-04-04T11:52:21.186-04:002012-04-04T11:52:21.186-04:00I was thrown off by the word "portal," t...I was thrown off by the word "portal," too. Is the author looking for variety? Or is it really a futuristic opening? I love the idea of the arrow just missing RJ. The opening is just okay now, and a near miss would give it a nice shot of excitement.<br /><br />As for reading on? I'd probably give it another paragraph or two before deciding. I'm on the fence.Sarah Thomashttp://www.sarahanneloudinthomas.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-46707167016216815832012-04-04T11:17:25.854-04:002012-04-04T11:17:25.854-04:00Like Jeanette, I am captured by that last line, bu...Like Jeanette, I am captured by that last line, but not sure that makes me want to continue. As I read, I was unsure of the genre. At first I thought contemporary, but the farmhouse "portal" and fiberglass arrow made me think futuristic.<br /><br />I like the idea of the arrow narrowly missing his head coming first.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470069911115912344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-56819748814789946512012-04-04T11:04:16.113-04:002012-04-04T11:04:16.113-04:00Yes, I would read on! As I read this author's...Yes, I would read on! As I read this author's first page, I made some comments based on my first impressions. Hope my comments help.<br /> <br />• “One rap, more of a punch than a knock:” I would change this to: “A knock, more like a punch, shook the door.”<br />• “sprang from the bed:” Maybe change this to a phrase not so overused.<br />• “His feet hit the floor in time with Beau's warning bark.” Good clear sentence. <br />• “Portal:” Did you mean this to sound sci-fy-ish? It seems out of place. <br />• “The worn granite step glowed in the halo of the outside lamp:” Nice.<br />• “The stone's chill seeped into the soles of his bare feet. The fog horn moaned in the damp night air. The dog plunged into the darkness. RJ followed, eyes straining into the gauze of fog wrapping around his world. ‘Who's there?’ he called:” You’ve set a great scene here.<br />•“A professional but not a perfect shot, it sat off-center near the base of the door:” Good clue?<br />• “. . . the dog's questing nose:” Delete questing.<br />• “Hey, Home Wrecker:” You’ve hooked me here! <br /><br />Oh, yes, I would read on!cjames@claricejames.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-55823557404233306612012-04-04T08:33:21.645-04:002012-04-04T08:33:21.645-04:00That last line makes me curious, but the writing l...That last line makes me curious, but the writing leading up to it is a bit stilted, and many of the sentences begin in the same way: a bow ran, RJ's eyes touched, Beau ran his nose. If you could vary the sentence structure so the cadence flows smoothly, you might be able to fix it. <br /><br />Or, start the story with the arrow barely missing his temple as it hits the door. <br /><br />Then I'd read on.Jeanette Levelliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12898750484193832082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-89640968774610815892012-04-04T06:31:24.913-04:002012-04-04T06:31:24.913-04:00No, I wouldn't read on. I made it through the ...No, I wouldn't read on. I made it through the first paragraph. When I read a story, I want to fell like the author is sitting across the table from me and telling the story. This piece tries too hard. I can't imagine the author would use the same words if they were telling this story to a friend over coffee.Timothy Fishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06554064732811895577noreply@blogger.com