tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post8048788876878728222..comments2023-11-02T05:29:57.954-04:00Comments on From the Heart: Would You Read On? hosted by Diana FlegalAndy Scheer, Hartline Literaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09010440105558099014noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-75683376828920630512012-03-15T13:00:29.725-04:002012-03-15T13:00:29.725-04:00Yes, I would read on - the author pulls the reader...Yes, I would read on - the author pulls the reader into the MC thoughts and gives enough information to make the reader have questions. I love the descriptions of the characters and their actions.Heather Marstenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17442467779057850945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-78342921579533350882012-03-14T18:48:38.274-04:002012-03-14T18:48:38.274-04:00I definitely would, if this was a genre I liked to...I definitely would, if this was a genre I liked to read. She creates sympathy right away with the comment about her legs, making the character vulnerable. She sets a scenes well. (Actually, I didn't look to see if it was a he or a she writing.) S/he lets you know there is a backstory, and you assume it is about to unfold. I want to know how these peoples' lives will intertwine and change. I don't really think there are big words going on, but maybe I just like to read that.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03774267389873705088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-33323982432396543142012-03-14T17:07:23.581-04:002012-03-14T17:07:23.581-04:00I'm back. :) I must admit I thought about this...I'm back. :) I must admit I thought about this piece a couple times today while at work. So I would most likely read more. Have you thought about adding some more dialogue? This would add to the story and engage the reader more. This came to mind a couple times today. Hope this helps. :)<br /><br />Lisa M. Buske<br />http://lisabuske.weebly.comLisa M. Buskehttp://lisabuske.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-77033692901096530712012-03-14T13:50:26.027-04:002012-03-14T13:50:26.027-04:00The situation certainly has plenty of drama. I lik...The situation certainly has plenty of drama. I like some of the language—"a wart on the cheek of humanity"—but in other places it feels forced, overdone, as if the author is trying too hard for literary prose. She needs to be ruthless in killing her darlings and just write simple, powerful prose, and the drama will come through more effectively. But it's a good opening overall.Katherine Hydehttp://kbhyde.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-15890254168024572962012-03-14T13:38:32.061-04:002012-03-14T13:38:32.061-04:00Yes, I would read on. Personally, I don't thin...Yes, I would read on. Personally, I don't think spaghetti "kinks" -- it does something softer (unless it's uncooked and then it snaps). But that's an easy fix. I'm curious and would definitely turn the page.Davalyn Spencerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07790903623368896086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-34653677065576433312012-03-14T13:33:36.329-04:002012-03-14T13:33:36.329-04:00Yes, I would read on. I want to know who that smug...Yes, I would read on. I want to know who that smug defendent is and how he reacts to his sentencing. <br /><br />However, I think it should begin with the paragraph "She fingered her notes..." (that talks about the child), and also be expanded to show more of the the courtroom proceeding and the judge's words, etc., before the verdict is read.Sandra Ardoinhttp://www.sandraardoin.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-65163995494816629602012-03-14T13:05:07.561-04:002012-03-14T13:05:07.561-04:00I didn't see how the first sentence fit. It th...I didn't see how the first sentence fit. It threw me off.Story and Logic Media Grouphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13317731231950753140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-3876019729294784632012-03-14T11:48:21.383-04:002012-03-14T11:48:21.383-04:00I'm on the fence over this one. At first, by t...I'm on the fence over this one. At first, by the mention of Daddy I thought this was a young person, but it quickly became obvious it's not. The long sentences slow the pace of what should be a suspenseful scene. I would probably continue for a bit to see what happens.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470069911115912344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-76902230110801731282012-03-14T10:18:13.846-04:002012-03-14T10:18:13.846-04:00Lisa said it best, the author kept us wondering wh...Lisa said it best, the author kept us wondering what happened? Anytime an author came make me wonder, I want to read on. And I like the order. The only change I might make, would be to end with ...life imprisonment.<br />"No!" Leaving us wondering who shouted "No!" instead of the last line, but that wouldn't stop me reading on anyway, so maybe it's a moot point. I liked it!!!Linda Glazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04374683352435771715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-77470791998232674622012-03-14T09:19:21.772-04:002012-03-14T09:19:21.772-04:00I would. Loved the first sentence. Needs a hint of...I would. Loved the first sentence. Needs a hint of editing, but don't we all! Good job giving readers a taste of the plot and upcoming suspense--my only thought would be that if the imprisonment sentence was the point of the plot, it may want to wait till later, leaving the reader hanging as to what the verdict will be. But I would definitely read on. Good job!Kimberly Raehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08648393867226454489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-59253689919310278742012-03-14T08:56:36.833-04:002012-03-14T08:56:36.833-04:00I would read on. This is a compelling story and pi...I would read on. This is a compelling story and piques my curisosity, even if a few of the sentences are not as tight as they could be. But that's easy to fix. It's a spell-binder, imho.<br /><br />I'd just want to know before I got too far into it that it wasn't full of gore, since it's obviously the murder of a child. You can't tell that from the first few paragraphs, but I'd look on the back cover for more info. <br /><br />Great job, whomever you are!Jeanette Levelliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12898750484193832082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-18802414692287251202012-03-14T07:08:12.429-04:002012-03-14T07:08:12.429-04:00The character’s emotion is clear yet some of the w...The character’s emotion is clear yet some of the word choices sounded similar and this distracted my reading on the first read through. I wonder if we will learn the horror of Kiley’s death. I’m left wondering if Samantha is the lawyer/DA or the parent waiting to hear the verdict. <br /> <br />The language was colorful yet some of the multi-syllabic words caused me to pause and sometimes reread. I’m guilty of the big words myself, one I get dinged on often if I’m not careful. <br /><br />As the reader, I was in the courtroom with the author yet some of the wording seemed to copy that of previous sentences. I understood the differences yet is paused my reading. I was going to note the same area as Timothy Fish. <br /><br />Overall I like the storyline yet the bigger words would keep me from reading on at this point in my life. There are times I’m up to the challenge of reading and thinking yet this opening sounds like a good story I would want to read for enjoyment and all the syllables would cause me to set the book down. On my headier days though, I would read.<br /><br />Lisa M. Buske<br />http://lisabuske.weebly.comLisa M Buskehttp://lisabuske.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2443765296489868573.post-65848770189779668742012-03-14T06:12:38.009-04:002012-03-14T06:12:38.009-04:00This one does well in displaying the workings of a...This one does well in displaying the workings of a courtroom for us. However, there’s something not quite right. My first thought was that it could be cleaned up some; referring to “spaghetti legs” and then mentioning the judge’s limp puts too much importance on legs. But it’s more than that. It occurs to me that this piece is very dry. I find myself more interested in hearing the judge talk about the law than in reading this. Worse, when we reach the end of the page, the sentence is life imprisonment. This page is backwards. The conflict and stakes should be rising, but they are falling. There is no need to keep reading because the story has already resolved.Timothy Fishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06554064732811895577noreply@blogger.com